Overheard on the elliptical machine today:
Housewife #1: “Oh my god! I was so freaked out yesterday because I’m going on vacation without my kids next week that I had to take a xanax.”
Housewife #2: “Oh my god! I took one too. The landscapers just couldn’t do anything right.”
So this is how these people cope. Xanax? Imagine if they were tossed some real tragedy.
Many of the members of the country club have very respectable careers. You can hardly avoid a doctor, lawyer, entrepreneur, or senior executive while there. I often chuckle to myself while I’m there because of the wierdness that they expect. For instance: there’s a man who refuses to give his number to new employees because he thinks that they should know who he is. There was another man who didn’t like it that they moved the dirty towel baskets, so he threw his dirty towel on the floor where he thought the basket should have been.
What’s also interesting is the things that the members will do just because they figure that since they pay dues, they can use the club as their dumping ground, or cesspool in this case.
There’s a doctor who comes into the fitness center very early in the morning 5:00 am – 5:30 am. Now, before I continue this story, let me say that I’ve never seen this with my own eyes. I’ve heard this through Harrie, the woman who works the coffee bar. Apparently this doctor blows snot out of his nose throughout his workout. Yes folks, you read that right: He BLOWS SNOT out of his nose.
This has been happening for months; or at least Harrie has been telling me about it for months – could be longer. There are other members who see him do it. Apparently they get grossed out & leave, but until recently, no one has said anything.
Last week another doctor, a woman, after he discharged his nose, asked him if he needed a Kleenex, because she was getting ready to use the machine that he was on. His reply was “Well then you should just use another machine.”
Oh my freakin’ lord.
So many questions & thoughts swirl in my head, like:
And, you know, I don’t know how I would react if I saw it happen in front of me. I think I might stand there with my jaw open – dumbfounded.
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So there’s this kid that I work with who works the front desk. When Bobby started, he was great – constantly cleaning up the gym & willing to do anything that anyone asked of him.
Just a cute side story: Once Brittney, another trainer who always leaves a disaster of equipment in her trail, was walking towards the front desk & I noticed a strange exchange between Bobby & Brittney. Bobby got up from the front desk & started cleaning up the gym floor. When he returned, he said “Thank you, Brittney for letting me work today.”
Anyway, so that’s the kind of kid Bobby is. Although the front desk workers are not allowed to use the fitness center for personal use, Bobby is interested in working out & asks me questions about routines, exercises & nutrition.
Let me say here that everyone is different. Men’s metabolisms are faster than women’s, as we age, our metabolisms slow, but also, everyone’s body is different. He’s 21, so in order to gain muscle, he needs to eat. A Lot! But, a lot of the right things.
There are 3 basic body types: Ectomorphs, Endomorphs, and Mesomorphs. Ectomorphs are those folks who can eat basically anything & not gain a pound. Endomorphs are those who have a hard time losing weight, and Mesomorphs are somewhere in the middle. Because Ectomorphs have a hard time gaining weight (be it fat or muscle) they typically do better on a high carbohydrate diet, and their strength training routine is going to be less frequent with higher weights, lower repetitions & little cardio (assuming that this person wants to gain muscle). An Endomorph is going to weight train more frequently, with lower weights, higher repetitions and incorporate more cardio into their program. Endomorphs typically do better on a lower carbohydrate diet; higher in lean proteins.
So Bobby has started asking me weird vague questions. “Is an Egg Sandwich good for you?” Well, I guess that depends on whether you made it, or you got it from McDonalds. What’s on it? Was the egg fried? Is there cheese on it? Is the bread whole grain or white? Is there butter on the bread? I mean, come on.
Another: “If you wanted to just look ‘athletic’ & not get real big, how would you workout?” If I wanted look ‘athletic’? or if you wanted to look ‘athletic’? Since I am a 39 year old woman, my workout is going to look vastly different from a 21 year old man who may or may not be a different body type than I am.
Okay, so maybe I’m being hard on the kid. But this one really takes the cake: “What’s the difference between Vitamin C & Multi-Vitamin?”
Duh?
One thing that drives me crazy is personal trainers who don’t work out. There’s a woman that I work with who has been a trainer at the country club for 15 years. IMHO, she likes her job because she likes to talk – and boy can she talk! She yammers about mindless drivel all day long.
Motor-Mouth Mabel is fortunate in that she has a naturally slim figure. I suppose that this is a problem because she doesn’t have to exercise or eat right in order to maintain her weight. MMMabel has a family history of high cholesterol. About six months ago she got a checkup from her doctor. I think her total cholesterol was somewhere around 230 or 250 & her doctor wanted to put her on Lipitor or some other medicine in order to lower it. But first, they would try lowering it with diet & exercise. I remember her saying at the time “It just ain’t gonna happen.”
So MMMabel started performing 30 minutes of cardio most days of the week. Occasionally she would walk in the neighborhood, but I think she preferred to do it in the club on one of the elliptical machines because then she could talk to whichever victim happened to be on a cardio machine next to her.
She asked me about diet changes – most of my suggestions she dismissed, but she did implement one; adding fiber to her diet through the use of Metamucil.
Fast forward 3 or 4 months – MMMabel was able to lower her total cholesterol 20 points! That’s fantastic – but it wasn’t enough to get below 200. As a result, she agreed to go on medication in order to lower it further.
Since that time, I have not seen her on any cardio equipment nor have I seen her walking the neighborhood. It’s no wonder that I don’t see any change in her clients appearance. I think they choose her for their trainer so that they can say that they workout, but it’s easy & they get the day’s gossip.
I’ve been toying with firing Mr. Money. I mean, I like having the income, but he doesn’t allow me to do my job – and that’s frustrating.
I see him Monday, Wednesday & Friday mornings. Sunday evening I received a voicemail from him saying that he was cancelling our appointment because he played golf earlier that day & his back was hurting. He didn’t want to aggravate it with working out. Oh My Lord!
Tuesday afternoon I get another call from him saying that he just got back from the doctor & they think he’s ruptured a disk. I’ve tentatively canceled all of our remaining appointments.
So here’s a man who had back surgery about a two years ago. Again, he knows what helps him (personal training, swimming, massage, yoga & chiropractic) and what hurts him (his Mercedes SL, tennis (although he’ll deny it), soccer, & golf). Because he couldn’t take it easy, he may never be able to do those things again – and then some.
I see Mr. Money 3 times a week. Mr. Money had back surgery a few months before we started working together, which was almost 2 years ago. He’s in his mid-fifties, is a wealthy business man.
Money is about 50lbs overweight. About 1 1/2 years ago, he offered me an incentive: if I helped him lose 30 lbs by Christmas 2006, he would give me $5000. Great! Cha-ching. Let’s start with a food journal. Every week I would ask him for his food journal & I never got it. I’m still waiting for it. When asked what he ate, he’d respond with “I only eat healthy foods – fish, salads, fruits, vegetables.” Well, at least he knows the right answers to give.
Because of his back problems (aggravated by his 50 lbs of belly fat) he flat out refuses to do certain exercises stating that they hurt his back. I am limited to about 10 exercises that he will do. He is a naturally very strong man, yet he refuses to exercise at his potential. The weight he will allow me to put on allows him to do ~30 repetitions, yet he stops at random numbers. I have instructed him to do 15 repetitions per set, but many times he will count to 12 & stop. When I ask him why he didn’t continue to 15 he states, “You didn’t tell me how many I was supposed to do.” On the Assisted Pull-up machine, he stops at 8 regardless of the resistance. I don’t know why.
My appointment with Money is scheduled for 7:30 – 8:30 in the morning, however our appointments end at 8:10. Initially it was because his business partner had some health problems & his workload had increased. I don’t think that’s ever going to go back to the full hour. Honestly, considering how many exercises I can’t do with him, I don’t know what we would do for the full hour anyway.
Money likes to play tennis. Tennis hurts his back because of all of the twisting from running back & forth across the court, and reaching for the ball. Yet, he still plays. Playing tennis has aggravated his back on many occasions that he has had to cancel appointments with me.
Now, I want to mention that the country club has a policy that if a client cancels an appointment with less than 24 hours notice, we must charge the client. I get paid for these unscheduled cancellations. My beef here is that this man is doing something that he KNOWS is not good for his body – not only not good for his body, but something that hurts – yet he continues to do it.
About a month ago, Money decided that it was a good idea to play golf one day, and then later on, play soccer too. Since then, his back has been worse than it has ever been. His response? “I’m Stupid”
Yes sir, you are.
—–Original Message—–
From: blondie
Sent: Friday, September 14, 2007 10:13 PM
To: dumbelle
Subject: Tomorrow’s Appointment
Hey there! Sooo I messed up my foot, possibly just bruised the bone, but it hurts like hell to move. Sadly I injured it after seeing a bug, screaming, jumped backwards onto some dry leaves and slipped and fell. Anyway, I doubt it’ll be in working condition by tomorrow. I’ll keep you updated on it, luckily, I don’t think its broken.
Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T
So this is how I spend my life. I am a personal trainer, and nutritionist. I used to be a desk jockey, but wanted to make a difference in the world. I decided that I wanted to help people lead healthier lives through healthy attitudes, good food, exercise and daily activity.
I spend my personal training time working between two different locations. I work in a fitness center in a country club, and I also work independently out of a small personal training studio.
Although I come to this profession with good intentions, and I believe my clients have good intentions at the get go, I just have some of the most bizarre interactions with them. They wear me down.
The purpose of this blog is hopefully make you laugh, and keep me from crying or going insane. Through each post I’ll introduce my clients to you, and you’ll get to know & love them as I do.
Meet Blondie. Blondie is a Country Club client. She’s 20 years old, and attends a nearby university. You might be wondering, “How does a 20 year old college student belong to a country club?” Well, she doesn’t; but Daddy & Mummy do. Blondie also has an apartment in an expensive part of town, used to drive a Land Rover Discovery, has a kitchen stocked by Williams Sonoma, and frequently shops at Neiman Marcus for Diane von Fursenberg wrap dresses.
I don’t think that Blondie has any concept of money. But then, why would she? Her parents give her anything that she would want. Recently, she traded her Land Rover in for a Toyota Prius (by the way, she canceled her appointment with me at the last minute that day also – so that she could buy her new car). Within a few hours of having her new car, her boyfriend wrecked it – bad enough that it had to go into the shop for a few days to get fixed.
Blondie wants nothing more than to be thin. The problem is that up until about 2 years ago, she was quite obese. To her credit, she’s worked her a** off (quite literally) to get to where she is today. Unfortunately, she had her gallbladder removed which seems to have changed her metabolism. Now she’s gaining some of the weight back without changing her eating habits.
I have no doubt that she will be getting some sort of plastic surgery in the future.
